Like most thirty-four year old men, I tend to spend my weekends thinking of who could kick Boba Fett’s ass. Look, it’s been stated on here before that we don’t think the Fett was that great of a character and gets a lot of undeserved attention (see this post for example). So, this weekend I took sometime to write down these thoughts about how well the notorious Hutt Love’n bounty hunter would do going up against skilled bounty hunters from other films, television shows, and comics. Who is greater than or lesser than Boba Fett?
Ug and Lee
They first came to our planet in 1986, and saved a hick family from ravenous little monsters with big appetites (no, not the Care Bears). Okay, I’m sure you guys remember the movie Critters and its… um… awesome (?) sequel, Critters 2 (alright, the “critter ball” was kind of cool). Ug and Lee were the two shape shifting bounty hunters who had a knack for tracking down Crites, a small hedgehog like creature with mouths full of razor sharp teeth and could eat…well, anything. Okay, so do these two have the skills to put Boba Fett out of business?
Verdict: Ug and Lee < Fett
Hell no! These two clowns are more like intergalactic exterminators than bounty hunters. Critters are less than a foot high. Punt the little bastards and move on. It doesn’t help that Lee was devoured by the slobbering rabid little gophers in the sequel, Critters 2, causing Ug devolve into a shapeless heap of self-pity. These two are no match for a galactic trotting bounty hunter like Fett, who is both calculating and controlled no matter who bites the bullet while on the Job. Next!
In the old west, at least according to D.C. Comics, you couldn’t get tougher then Jonah Hex. If you were an outlaw with a decent price on your head then it was likely Jonah would be bringing all sorts of hell your way. He’s gone up against low life scoundrels, a dystopian future, and even a few zombies, all the while retaining a strict moral code to defend the weak.
Verdict: Jonah Hex < Fett
This was a tough one to call because I am actually a fan of the Vertigo Comics take on Jonah Hex. In their run Jonah is a much darker character who not only deals with notorious outlaws but also supernatural elements. However, he doesn’t have the galaxy wide experiences that Fett has had, nor the resources to ever be a threat. I still think he’s a better character than Boba Fett, and it was cool that he was resurrected in Blackest Night but at the end of the day, and the dust settled, Fett would be the one left standing over a really ugly corpse.
Spike is a member of the Bebop crew and the best Bounty Hunter in the solar system. Working with his partner, Jet they travel around the galaxy looking for enough bounties to keep the Bebop running. Through the series, Cowboy Bebop, we learn that Spike was once a member of the powerful Red Dragon Syndicate. He’s a master of Jeet Kune Do, firearms, and a damn good pick pocket too. Spike is also an excellent pilot and has the aid of a cybernetic eye. Though his methods are often a little self centered and eccentric he always remains calm and in control.
Verdict: Spike > Fett
Give Boba Fett all the blasters, jet packs, and gadgets he can pack into that phallic looking helmet of his and he’s still no match for spike. For christ’s sake, Fett got nocked into the Sarlacc by a blind guy. From all ways Fett is portrayed in the films, comics, and books of Star Wars, Spike still comes off as a better pilot, quick draw, and just all around more cunning bounty hunter. He could probably disarm Fett before a blaster was ever raised. The best chance Boba Fett has against Spike is to fire up the jet pack and just fly away.
Lobo the Duck
Okay, I could have just picked regular old Lobo, but that wouldn’t have been very fair. The actual “Main Man” is use to taking on the likes of Superman and would tear through Boba Fett like he wasn’t even there. So, Next in line for the title of Biggest Baddest Bounty Hunter EVER is the best damn thing to come out of the mid-90’s crossover event, Amalgam Comics, Lobo the Duck. He’s a cigar chomping duck who knows how to kick ass with a big chain and even bigger guns. So, what would happen if he and the Fett man were to butt heads?
Verdict: Lobo the Duck > Fett
Seriously, he may be a duck but he’s still mother fucking Lobo! This guy could put a hurt on God if he wanted too, let alone a tin can wear’n schmuck like Fett. This, by far, would be the most one sided fight out any of the others I’ve imagined here tonight. I might actually cheer for Fett in this match, just because sometimes I like to support the underdog. However, I wouldn’t put my money on him.
Well, that’s it for tonight. I think I’ve rambled on enough, but this is a topic I’d like to return to someday. It’s all a matter of opinion, but I’d like to hear from others out there. Let us know what you think or where you might disagree. G’night folks!