The Force Awakens by Lyle McDouchebag
Hey El Moochadores! I feel like I’ve been neglecting Atomic Moo the last few weeks. However, the shit storm that is my life seems to be calming down a bit, so I’m going to try and get at least one post on everyday this week. Not counting today – I’m going to try and find stuff that is more on the creative side of being geeky that kind of goes back to the old days when we posted about cosplay, cool fan art, and indie projects. So, here goes: day one!
I’ve always felt bad that I never post a review about Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Yeah, I’ve said some snide comments, and those of you who follow the site will notice an almost complete absence of Star Wars posts since the premiere, but I don’t think I ever really spelled out why that film had such a negative effect on me. So, very quickly; Star Wars: the Force Awakens is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Yes, I really believe that. Worse than Show Girls, any of the Barbershop franchise, and way worse than Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Which, since it’s 1999 premiere, has been my bar for what a really bad movie is. Force Awakens lands way under that bar. It is the most disgusting film I’ve ever had the misfortune to watch, and I truly wish I could un-see it. I know this reads like hyperbole, but it it really isn’t. The film has almost no character exposition, the dialogue is meaningless drivel, and what little plot the film had was completely stolen from Star Wars: A New Hope. Added to this, the film retro-actively reaches back, and destroys everything the first three films accomplished. Other reviewers have done a much better job of breaking the film down than I ever could (check out Nicholas Spargo’s The Force Awakens is a Massive Disappointment on the Youtube), so I’m going to make a real effort not to post any more Star Wars stuff (as related to Disney’s version) after this post. Also, I really get angry when ever I think about this dumb movie. Which is horrible, because I have way better problems than a bad Star Wars movie. So, by way of a good Fuck You to Disney, Jar Jar Abrams, and all of the dull motherfuckers out there that happily support this shameless money grab: check out Star Wars: The Force A’Money by Lyle McDouchebag!. A review that mostly sums up my opinion on the worst movie ever produced.
P.S. I really don’t give a shit if this spoils any part of the movie for anyone.